09 Mar I Need Time

Fear of failure has loomed over me for as long as I can remember. I know I am not alone in this. This post is for everyone out there who is a little afraid. It is a cliché to say things like failure is better than not trying, better to have loved and lost, at least you put yourself out there, blah, blah, blah. But I think it’s all true. An annoying cliché, yet truth. Not an easy truth, though.

I always have the feeling of needing more time. I go nuts on New Year’s Eve because I don’t want to let the year go. Every year I lament the things I didn’t accomplish, and I think if I had more time I could get them done. Writing this on the first day of Daylight Savings Time does not help! I NEED that missing hour! While parenting, I always wondered if I gave my boys enough time, enough advice, and enough encouragement. I wanted more time to give them roots before giving them wings. However, they had their own timeline. Of course, now I see them as the wonderful men, husbands, and fathers they are, and I realize that regardless of what I did or did not do, I didn’t need more time.

Now that I am done parenting, I focus my insecurity and fear of letting go onto every manuscript I write. I know that revision is the key to good writing, but I revise some manuscripts so many times that I never really finish. And is that really the issue? If I don’t let go of my work, nobody will get to criticize it. I’ve gotten lots of rejections in my life, and that’s fine. But let’s face it; nobody wants to read an Amazon review trashing your work. If I keep it close to me with the excuse of it needing more revision, I am safe. Yes, I have some published books, but they were with a co-author, and that makes it safer. I have several manuscripts that are sitting in my desk collecting dust and fanning my insecurities. But enough is enough. It’s time get them out, let go, and hope for the best. The manuscripts that I’ve given life to will soon have wings and hopefully some good reviews. If not, failure is better than not trying? Isn’t it?

PS: It has taken me an inordinate amount of time to hit the “publish” button on this!